Life Decisions

The past few weeks I have really been thinking about my future. My lichens sclerosus is still bad but due to a change in my diet (no alcohol and less sugar) I’ve found I’ve had less flare ups.

I have genuinely been thinking about whether or not I really wanted kids or of I just forget about them and me and the bf save our money for travelling. I know it probably sounds quite drastic, but with the fibroids making trying to conceive a lot more difficult than it’s supposed to be and the lichens sclerosus ravaging my vulva so much so that I’ve become so narrow and I’m afraid to have sex, I have wondered if there’s any point.

That was until this week….

My Facebook has shown 4 pregnancy announcements. One I already knew about and another was a celebrity, but it still counts nonetheless. They shocked me and I felt so upset…. I wasn’t able to hide my upset from my bf. It hit me heard and my mind has since been consumed with nothing but baby and pregnancy thoughts.

Ive let myself wallow in self pity this week, cos it feels like a process I need to go through. Its helped! Because I allowed myself time to grieve, it made me realise I want a baby more than anything and I’m willing to try and help myself in order to start trying to conceive again. I have now ordered dilators and lube! Sounds odd, but I read that dilators can open you up again, which will really help get me ready for sex… I get so tense at the thought of having sex that it makes matters worse, and the anxiety doesn’t help with lubrication down there either. I’m hoping they’ll help with the sensations too, as the last time I had sex it didn’t feel nice, it just felt like aggravation and then relief of the itching. No point having sex if it doesn’t feel good, is there?

If this reignites my sex drive, I’m going to be so happy!

Wish me luck!

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