Now, let’s not get excited, I’m not an alcoholic. I never have been, but I’ve always enjoyed a glass of wine, or 5. I have done since I finished university. I don’t know why, but drinking most nights over a 3 year period, kind of gives you a taste for it!
I didn’t ever think I was bad, but a change was noted when I moved back home. Saying that though, my mother or anyone else in the family were never big drinkers. My mum was more if a smoker, as was my dad. I knew my older sisters drank, but I didn’t know to what extent…. So by default, I became ‘the drinker’.
It wasn’t an every weekend occurrence at that point. I was more the binge type. However, when hanging out with my gay best friends, we’d have big binge sessions. One of then was an alcoholic, so we were all expected to keep up. I knew my limits though. Once I got to THAT point, I’d stop. I hated being sick and I’m not the type to be able to continue after, so it was game over.
My drinking was sporadic after that. I’d just drink like a normal person. The odd glass after work or a bottle over the weekend. Until I met JJ. After being with him, buying 2-3 bottles of wine for the weekend seemed like a normal thing to do. I don’t recall my habits changing very much between him and JB. In fact, they did not change a all. JB wasn’t a wine drinker when I met him, but he can happily drink a bottle of red to himself nowadays.
As it currently stands, I’ve been 5 weeks sober. That’s quite an achievement for me. I’ve realised that not drinking alcohol changes your perspective on things. I no longer want to sit in pubs and I *really * don’t want to be near drunk people…. They’re so terribly annoying! Not that I had a hustling bustling social life before, but it’s definitely made me want to just stay in.
The past two weeks have been really hard for me. When I’ve come home stressed from work, I’ve not been able to release the tension properly. The only way I can process things now is to over analyse, which is irritating as it takes so long to wind back down. I also just miss the act of drinking, the smell and taste of wine and the buzzy feeling I get after a glass or two.
I bought this to try and help simulate things and curb the cravings, but the truth is….
…… It tastes like crap! At £3.50 a bottle, this should not be the case. Ah well, back to craving city I guess. On the plus side, only 2 weeks left of my sober month to go before I decide to either drink again, or continue my sober streak.