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Contraception : The Copper IUD and Cerelle experience 

This time last year, I was very happy living in my IUD worry free land. I’d just got one put it and thought it was the start of great things. The copper coil was everything I’d hoped for. I’m a nightmare on hormonal medication. I’ve no idea why, I just know that the implant turned me into a suicidal, weepy pyscho; who berated her bf in the streets of Northampton simply because he was breathing. 

So learning about hormone free stuff which such a revelation. I read the reviews and dealt with the insertion procedure like a champ.

I had 9 months of bliss, until an illness and a course of strong painkillers and antibiotics triggered either thrush or BV. It was so bad I felt like I needed to wear scratch mitts to stop me from ripping my insides apart. 5 minutes of ‘relieving’ myself would make me feel like I’d had an altercation with Mr Freddy Kruger. I felt like a wild animal trying to find objects to scratch myself on. Walking, wearing underwear,  going to the toilet and having sex began to get very painful, so after 4 months of suffering, I had it removed. 

My nurse suggested the implant, but I told her it’d make me crazy again. After much deliberation and insisting I know my body can’t deal with the combined pill, she suggested progesterone only. I reluctantly walked away with a 3 month supply and told my bf if you notice ANY differences in me, please, just say. 

One month later and I noticed I was a little bit more teary than usual. I’m emotional as fuck anyway, but I’d be crying at literally anything. On a positive note, I did notice that my thrush had all but disappeared (Bastard coil, I knew that was you!) 

Two months in and I noticed a lot more. I have no idea what my periods are doing. I pretty much ‘spot’ every day, which is annoying.  I’m anxious, moody, very down, emotional, exhausted. I have no desire to leave the house or participate in anything other than being at home. Oh, and my sex drive has completely fucked off. I don’t even want to have sex with myself and that’s saying something! Up until a couple of weeks ago, I didn’t even want to be touched. Now, I don’t know if anyone else has had these specific side effects, but what’s the point? If I’m taking the pill to stop pregnancy and it impacts this greatly on my sex drive, it’s ultimately useless. 

I’ve just started month 3, my final pack and I think that’s the end of my Cerelle relationship. All the sides effects are still there and I’m certain this is heading towards depression. In 3 short months I’ve completely forgotten how to feel or be my normal self. I love my boyfriend and myself far too much to let this pill impact my mental and physical health like this. 

It still puzzles me that women have to put up with this shit. How hard can it really be to make contraception with less or no side effects?! 

What I thought I knew

Isn’t it funny when someone breaks your heart. Not literally funny, but how that moment of heart break seemingly changes everything.

The deep despair you feel.

The rawness of emotions running through your veins and cascading through your body, with every pump of your heart.

The loneliness you feel and how you’re certain nobody will ever understand what you’re going through.

And the feeling that that’s it…you will never recover from your heart-ache. You will never meet someone that makes you feel that deeply again, or allow yourself to ever open your heart, body and soul to another person if you do.

Everything seems so final.  All your hopes, dreams and wishes dashed away. You’re left with only memories torn apart by grief and plans for a future you can only ever recall but never fulfil.

That person was your one and only, the one, your soulmate. Everything you became and were has now gone, with them, dropped like the last petal of a dry wilting rose.

In your wildest imagination, you simply can’t fathom the idea that you’ll ever recover…

Football, sport and the nation

Jesus Christ, our society is fucked!

It’s lovely to wake up to a white wash of people moaning, complaining and giving the England football team a right good bashing. What’s wrong with people!

Why doesn’t anyone ever remember that this is what England do at every tournament.. I don’t get why people are surprised. What annoys me is how we always put them on a pedestal and expect them to play like Real Madrid and then vilify them when they lose.. I don’t even know why! Having good players doesn’t make them a good team. I know they didn’t play well, but I feel for them. Must be hard to have to go through this every time they play a tournament! We love you when you win and hate you and slate you when we lose. Lovely bit of support and encouragement there, great pack mentality!

Why is it that there is an expectancy for Iceland to be shit because it’s a small country, and England to be great because we’re oh so big?! Where’s the logic in that?

Why are we always looking for blame? We seem to love negativity and hatred here. The EU referendum has highlighted that a treat. Let’s concentrate on the positives for once.
Our football team haven’t done great things, but our rugby team have done some amazing things in Australia, and won the whole series, especially when everyone doubted them. Where’s their congratulations??🏉

The Backup Plan

I made a backup plan with an old best friend of mine. You know the sort, you’re about 22 years old and realise life has the potential to go tits up for you. You and your best pal of the opposite sex make a plan to get married and have babies just in case you get to 40 and realise everything is fucked!

For the most part, I didn’t think I’d ever have a reason to use mine or call it in. I left it by the wayside and forgot it had ever been considered. That, was until I realised my option had gone. My backup plan is definitely gay and also married.  The fact that we’ve just started talking again after a 4 year fall out has absolutely nothing to do with it!! I know him being gay is more a plus point and likely the easier option, but I’m sure he doesn’t want to rent my womb!

A few friends have offered along the way, mostly in jest of course. But low and behold, they’ve got their shit together and have since Wed. 

I feel like I need to go on some sort of collecting spree and get details of chronically single men in the south Wales area. No idea why they need to be chronically single, I’m selling myself short here! I’m a great catch, only part psychotic.

Perhaps I should stick an advert on Gumtree!

Did you or do you still  have a backup plan?



Broody Baby Season

I think it’s the season to be pregnant!

A lot of my friends and family are pregnant, announcing their pregnancy, or giving birth.

I quite want to be pregnant. I know it’s not a fabulously happy time with hormones going haywire and whatnot, but I want to be pregnant. I’d like to grow a mini me.

I’ve been suppressing the broodiness inside me for about 7 years now and occasionally, I think it comes back with a vengeance!

At my friends the other week, a guy knocked on his door with a little girl in tow. I waved and smiled at her and she waved and smiled back. She looked like Dora the Explorer! My ovaries nearly burst, she was that cute.

I also saw a young mum with her 3 year old son on the bus recently and she was using the journey as education time. I was so impressed by her and how clever he seemed to be. I got really emotional and cried. That’s never happened before.

I wonder what sort of mum I’d make. Would I be the ridiculously over protective type, or would I be laid back and chilled?

I can’t wait for my day to come!

I’ve been smoking…

I was on a night out with work friends recently when a situation got me a bit stressed out and completely changed my mood. I had been drinking a fair bit at this point, so my ability to reason with my drunken, sulky self had long since gone out of the window.

An offer to go outside for some fresh air and away from the annoyance was too good to say no to. The people I was with, who admittedly, I didn’t know that well, offered me a cigarette… which I took. It didn’t take me more than two drags to realise it was menthol and wasn’t giving me the usual nicotine rush id had when previously I was a social smoker many moons ago. Nonetheless, I carried on smoking, even though I was already starting to feel guilty for it. I carried on my night, but I did stop drinking.

I woke up the next morning and tried to recover the previous nights events, as you do after a heavy one and recoiled as i remembered I smoked! I also remembered on another night out with work a few weeks previous that I’d smoked again. I didn’t have a whole one to myself, but I’d had enough to remember it happened. What am I doing? I hate smoking.

My dad used to smoke. He died of cancer when i was 17. I smoked socially for years and then made a very conscious effort in 2010 never to smoke again. My mum smoked on and off for years. After my dad died, i used to always tell her off if I caught her smoking. My best friends dad has terminal cancer…. why the hell am I smoking?

I’ve got by for years just enjoying how it smells (its a very strange habit to have, I know) and not physically smoking an actual cigarette. I’ve gone on nights out with friends and work friends who smoke and never felt the urge to smoke then. So why now? It sort of feels like I’m rebelling against something, but I’m 31 years old and living in a houseshare, why would I need to rebel?

I need to have a quiet word with myself and knock this on the head before it starts becoming more frequent. I don’t like the idea of falling into bad, unhealthy habits.

Real women

I keep seeing that phrase everywhere in the media and to be honest, it pisses me off.
It’s always “real women have curves”…” real women this”… “real women that” yada yada yada”… So much bullshit. It’s no surprise people have issues with identity, health and weight with all the constant pressure to look, feel and be a certain way.

I’m a naturally slim girl, a size 8 bottom and size 10 on top, there’s not that much to me. I am however toned and carry a bit of muscle. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not butch or bulky looking, I’m probably more suited to being called athletic. My chest isn’t huge and neither is my ass, so when I hear this carry on about real women have curves (mostly alluding to their boobs, hips and thighs, the coke bottle curves), it perplexes me.

The “real women” they are usually on about are carrying a certain amount of weight in particular areas. Pictures and quotes of women with “curves” almost always come adorned with comments from larger women, who I can only assume are insecure about their weight or just enjoy having a dig, saying “Real women have curves and aren’t stick thin. Real men likes curves, only dogs like bones”…
So if you’re a woman size 14 (major generalisation from myself – I apologise to anyone offended, I have no clue what size people think “curvy” is) and under, or a man that is attracted to those such women, you’re not real!?
Get the fuck out of here! Who comes up with this shit, and more importantly, why the hell are women believing it??

Its like ‘skinny bashing’ is the new in thing. If you see a naturally slim woman, she only eats salad, or she starves herself. So people can’t be naturally skinny, and must be ill/unhealthy.

Are we as women so individually insecure in ourselves, that we need to undermine, insult and bully each other to feel better? We need to stop with the negativity and start being more positive and complimentary towards each other.

As far as I’m concerned: all women, are real women. The size of your body does not determine to either sex, if you are real or not.

Neither curvy, skinny, athletic, obese, voluptuous, muscular, anorexic, fat, or slim do it better!!
As WOMEN we should ALL be doing it better, regardless of how we look!