Pregnancy envy

So this is a thing. I didn’t even know it was until I realised how envious I was at yet another pregnancy announcement. They just seem to be so frequent these days, I don’t understand why, or how! Well obviously I know how!

I had a dream a few months ago now that my sister was pregnant with twins. Usually these dreams for me signify actual pregnancy or illness. Just as I thought no more about it, a friend I hadn’t seen for a good while said she wanted to meet up for dinner.

I’d guessed she was pregnant before she actually confirmed she was. I congratulated her, of course I was happy for her. She deserves to be happy. But a part of me died inside for completely selfish reasons. I’ve lost another friend to the mummy brigade, I’m still not even close to ever having children of my own and that’s another person in life who’s got everything that I want.

I can tell you, it’s totally possible to smile and be happy for your friend whilst your heart fights back the desire in you to completely breakdown.

I sort of got over that. Then came another blow. A colleague entered the room one morning with a rather bloated looking belly and announced she was also expecting. Hmmm.

Why is everyone getting pregnant and I haven’t.

I know I’m not completely irrational about my feelings because someone else I know is having fertility problems and she struggles when other women announce their pregnancies. I feel jealous of her. She’s got everything in place. House, decent job, loving fiancee. I haven’t even got a quarter of that. She’d probably laugh at me if I told her I was jealous of her!

I know I’m doing that ridiculous ‘comparing myself to others’ that we as a society seem to do constantly,but I can’t help it.

Can people just stop procreating for a while please 😦

Anyone else have pregnancy envy?

Football, sport and the nation

Jesus Christ, our society is fucked!

It’s lovely to wake up to a white wash of people moaning, complaining and giving the England football team a right good bashing. What’s wrong with people!

Why doesn’t anyone ever remember that this is what England do at every tournament.. I don’t get why people are surprised. What annoys me is how we always put them on a pedestal and expect them to play like Real Madrid and then vilify them when they lose.. I don’t even know why! Having good players doesn’t make them a good team. I know they didn’t play well, but I feel for them. Must be hard to have to go through this every time they play a tournament! We love you when you win and hate you and slate you when we lose. Lovely bit of support and encouragement there, great pack mentality!

Why is it that there is an expectancy for Iceland to be shit because it’s a small country, and England to be great because we’re oh so big?! Where’s the logic in that?

Why are we always looking for blame? We seem to love negativity and hatred here. The EU referendum has highlighted that a treat. Let’s concentrate on the positives for once.
Our football team haven’t done great things, but our rugby team have done some amazing things in Australia, and won the whole series, especially when everyone doubted them. Where’s their congratulations??🏉

The Backup Plan

I made a backup plan with an old best friend of mine. You know the sort, you’re about 22 years old and realise life has the potential to go tits up for you. You and your best pal of the opposite sex make a plan to get married and have babies just in case you get to 40 and realise everything is fucked!

For the most part, I didn’t think I’d ever have a reason to use mine or call it in. I left it by the wayside and forgot it had ever been considered. That, was until I realised my option had gone. My backup plan is definitely gay and also married.  The fact that we’ve just started talking again after a 4 year fall out has absolutely nothing to do with it!! I know him being gay is more a plus point and likely the easier option, but I’m sure he doesn’t want to rent my womb!

A few friends have offered along the way, mostly in jest of course. But low and behold, they’ve got their shit together and have since Wed. 

I feel like I need to go on some sort of collecting spree and get details of chronically single men in the south Wales area. No idea why they need to be chronically single, I’m selling myself short here! I’m a great catch, only part psychotic.

Perhaps I should stick an advert on Gumtree!

Did you or do you still  have a backup plan?

 

 

Guess who’s back!

A year or two ago, I mentioned I was crazy in love with a boy I met on the internet. Well, at lot changed after I wrote my confession.

After a massive argument with him, I told him I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. I only wanted a relationship and if I wasn’t going to get that, I didn’t see the point. He wanted us to be friends but always cancelled plans we’d made, so I’d had enough. This happened on 31st December 2014, and I promised myself I wouldn’t speak to him again. I started dating my ex and we played the happy couple for 6 months.

At some point early in December 2015, I was helping my friend move house. I saw a guy who looked the spitting image of him! I convinced myself it was him, bad as it is, looking as awful as he looked, I was glad. Some part of me wanted him to be unhappy without me. I had thought about him over the months, but it was just general wondering how he was and if he was with someone all happy and loved up. So, to see him looking unhappy, knowing my previous relationship had broken down, made me feel better.

I got home with it still playing on my mind and I randomly checked my emails and there it was…. An email from him, asking if we could maybe be friends. Honestly, I was over the moon to see that email. I assumed he’d seen me with my friend and asked if that was what prompted the email, but he said it wasn’t him… At least I know he’s got a hot doppelganger eh!
We exchanged a few emails and I told him I was happy to try and give the friendship thing a go. He used to be my best friend and I really missed the way we used to talk, so I was keen to see if we could get it back. It felt nice to know that after a year, he was still thinking of me.
We swapped numbers and have talked on WhatsApp most days since.

We did arrange to meet up for food, but he cancelled on me (It was Wales’ first match of the 6 Nations). I did take it to heart at first and told him not to talk to me for a bit. After a week, he apologised when I explained why I was upset. Considering that would never have happened 2 years ago without us slagging the hell out of each other, I’m calling this progress!!

It’s only been a few months of talking but we’re getting on well.
I still fancy him something rotten and I’ve told him in a round about way. I don’t know where this is going to go. I don’t know if I’m still in love with him.. I’d have to see him and touch him to tell. I don’t know if we’re only ever destined to be friends, but right now I’m just happy he’s back in my life.

I’ve missed him and he’s clearly missed me too! 😁

My beauty basics

I always see loads of posts on here and instagram of ladies blogging about gorgeous new products they’ve used on their skin and how their skin looks amazing. Fair play it does. I get slightly jealous… I love trying and testing new lotions and potions, but my skin is complicated.
I have major combination skin. Part dry, part oily, part haven for spots every now and again and then major sensitivity.

I used to use all manner of beauty products to try and combat it all, but being sensitive skinned, this is quite hard. One method never fit all and finding a moisturiser for the dry parts was actually virtually impossible.
Simple products were my go to for general cleansing and St Ives facial scrubs used to be a magical exfoliating haven.

I used to swear by Palmers cocoa butter! I grew up using it and my whole family did too. My friend at school once told me I smelt of chocolate as I used it that much. After practically 20 years of non stop use, it sadly gave up the ghost.
My skin became flaky and dry, so I knew I needed something new.

I’d been trying to grow my hair and was using coconut oil for moisture.  I started using it on my whole body and since then, I haven’t stopped. In the middle of 2014, I decided that adopting the same practice on my body was a good way to go with my face.

I started using coconut oil and didn’t really notice that much difference. It was only when I went for my 6weekly eyebrow threading a few months later, that my beautician said my skin was glowing.
Not long after that, I noticed I had less spots than I used to. I’d always have a huge break just before my period but that had practically disappeared and I was just getting one or two in the odd place.
Pre 2014 I’d NEVER have left the house without make up! Personally, I’m not a massive wearer anyway, but id never have turned up to work or popped to the shop without concealer, corrector and a general foundation. People would have asked if I was ill, or dying!!

Having discovered the benefits of coconut oil, I swear by natural products for moisturisation. I’ve upgraded from coconut oil though. I now use Rosemary oil on my face, Coconut oil on my body and Shea Butter on my feet. If my skin looks a little flaky or dry, I’ll mix coarse sea salt and sugar with water or biore and it works as a natural exfoliant.

My body loves me! My skin is lovely and people always compliment how clear it looks.
Sometimes natural is best. I do miss trying out the latest products and seeing how they work with my skin. But, knowing that I can spend less than £10 a month on oils and only wear make-up when I need to, is good enough for me! 🙂 For me, Basic is better!

image

image

2016 – What’s happening

Last year I had a fair few resolutions. None of which I really thought I’d stick to, so I did said jokey one:
image

With the help of my now ex boyfriend, I smashed all them. Even the get fat one! This was fatness due to being ‘relationship happy’, quitting the gym and the consumption of lots wine… Oh and a sensitivity to gluten (that’s a whole other blog post!)

My more serious ones, included taking
Swimming Lessons , which I did. Paying off my credit card, which I also did and before the cut off period too. There is still a small balance on there, although, technically I paid off the existing debt. The current balance is from a Bobbi Brown treat over Christmas….it doesn’t count!!

A lot of people I know are getting on the property ladder and I’m feeling left t behind. Said people are in long term relationships, married or have children, but hey ho. My little sister is 5k into her 15k target for a deposit after saving for just 1 year. Makes ya god damn sick doesn’t it!! Another good friend is looking to buy next year. Literally everyone else I know already has their own house!

ME, on the other hand.. I’ve just moved into my 5th houseshare since living in Cardiff! I’m literally a gypsy! 😱. Finding a houseshare when you have a pet is a nightmare and I don’t want to have to do it again for a while. Plus, I discovered my bunny isn’t fond of moving about. If I had my own place, I’d never have to worry about these things. Plus, I’d get to live alone 🙌
image

So, my NYR is to save, save, save! I’m never going to do it in a year, but I’d like to see how much I can save without trying, per se. I don’t have the monthly constraints of my credit card repayment anymore, so I can just use that and top it up. Anything that’s left at the end of the month can go in as well.. Not that they’ll be any left, but you never know.

This bulk saving means there’ll be very little money left for random trips whenever I like, which really does make me sad, but you can’t have it all, can you?

So, I estimate that by the time I’m 36,i should own my own property. There’s a chance it’ll be the size of a garden shed, but at least it’ll be mine ❤.

So I went out, out

With it being the festive season and all that, we had arranged our work Christmas Dooo for black Friday. I was really quite excited about it. I hadn’t been out in a while and it would be the first night out I’ve have since splitting up with JJ.
I’d felt a bit down but not lacking confidence, I just needed to ‘blow the cobwebs away’… Mentally, not physically!

I did very little at work, but went to Bobbi Brown to get a complimentary makeover. The girl that does my make-up works wonders! She did it in an hour and I left feeling AMAZING. When I got back to work, all the girls were complimenting me. It was lovely.
One of the girls said I should go downstairs and show JJ what he was missing and part of me did want to. The other part of me thought that he probably wouldn’t care how great I looked, so I didn’t.

After we all got dressed, we went for food at Jamie’s Italian and the team manager bought a few bottles of processco for the tables. I happily guzzled a few glasses and felt quite tipsy. We moved onto a quieter bar after and played a quiz, whilst still drinking. After a few hours there, with everyone suitably sloshed, we went to a club and some more members of the party left.

The club was great.. Very strange feeling knowing it’s only 6pm, you’re a long way from sober and the club is pretty much empty. We took advantage of the emptiness, danced around and picked a booth in prime location.

I don’t remember people coming in, I just remember there being more people all of a sudden.
Two lads called me over and we were chatting. We talked about my lack of Christmas jumper and other stuff. I fancied his mate more than him, so I made my excuses and went back to my friends. Another group of guys got my attention, so I spoke to one of them for a while and had a dance. Conversation was odd.. He’s from the Welsh valley’s and that’s like a completely different language to me. I could barely understand him. I remember his name was Leyton cause I thought it was lush. He took my number and gave me a kiss and we carried on with the rest of the night.

I got the attention of another guy. He was really tall and had that mysterious hard man look about him. I never usually go for that, but for some reason, I kept making eye contact and dancing sexily until he came over to me. This is something I’d never do in a million years, there must have been something in the wine! Ha.
I danced with him for a bit, before my friend introduced me to a friend of hers. He was cute, but there wasn’t any animal attraction. We talked about travel, food and other stuff and found we had a fair bit in common. He said his goodbyes, we hugged and then he left.

At some point, I managed to get the attention of another guy who I fancied like crazy. I call it the ‘stop eating hot’ level of gorgeousness. If a guy can make me stop eating, he’s too beautiful for words. We danced like mad people and he actually kissed me at one point. I didn’t react well to it because I was shocked. He wanted to come home with me. “I don’t have to be up until 8am” he said. As beautiful as he was, I wasn’t going to take him home. My one night stand days are more than over and done with.
Still, his offer was far nicer than the “Do you live on your own?” chat up line I’d got earlier.
Unfortunately for these Valley boys, their reputation proceeds them.

We carried on dancing until 12:30,  when I decided to call it a night. I was more drunk than horny. I picked up the obligatory chips on the way and jumped in a taxi.
When I woke the next day, I smiled at the previous nights antics. That was just what I needed. I gave my number to three guys that night and it would’ve been nice, but I wasn’t that bothered if any of them got in touch or not.  I always feel a bit shitty post break up, regardless if I was the dumper or the dumpee. That night was just the reminder I needed that men still think I’m good looking and there are still some mighty fine specimens out there!