Too Soon

I’ve been brought up to believe relationships shouldn’t be rushed. You should always take your time..move slowly. Get to know one another properly before launching yourself into serious life changing decisions and events.

I’ve always passed judgement on others doing things quickly in relationships; moving in, getting pregnant, getting engaged and married after what seems like two minutes. “It’ll never work”has always been my mantra with these situations.  

Everything needs at least a year. I know some situations can’t be helped, but it’s always best to wait – isn’t it?

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What I thought I knew

Isn’t it funny when someone breaks your heart. Not literally funny, but how that moment of heart break seemingly changes everything.

The deep despair you feel.

The rawness of emotions running through your veins and cascading through your body, with every pump of your heart.

The loneliness you feel and how you’re certain nobody will ever understand what you’re going through.

And the feeling that that’s it…you will never recover from your heart-ache. You will never meet someone that makes you feel that deeply again, or allow yourself to ever open your heart, body and soul to another person if you do.

Everything seems so final.  All your hopes, dreams and wishes dashed away. You’re left with only memories torn apart by grief and plans for a future you can only ever recall but never fulfil.

That person was your one and only, the one, your soulmate. Everything you became and were has now gone, with them, dropped like the last petal of a dry wilting rose.

In your wildest imagination, you simply can’t fathom the idea that you’ll ever recover…

Pregnancy envy

So this is a thing. I didn’t even know it was until I realised how envious I was at yet another pregnancy announcement. They just seem to be so frequent these days, I don’t understand why, or how! Well obviously I know how!

I had a dream a few months ago now that my sister was pregnant with twins. Usually these dreams for me signify actual pregnancy or illness. Just as I thought no more about it, a friend I hadn’t seen for a good while said she wanted to meet up for dinner.

I’d guessed she was pregnant before she actually confirmed she was. I congratulated her, of course I was happy for her. She deserves to be happy. But a part of me died inside for completely selfish reasons. I’ve lost another friend to the mummy brigade, I’m still not even close to ever having children of my own and that’s another person in life who’s got everything that I want.

I can tell you, it’s totally possible to smile and be happy for your friend whilst your heart fights back the desire in you to completely breakdown.

I sort of got over that. Then came another blow. A colleague entered the room one morning with a rather bloated looking belly and announced she was also expecting. Hmmm.

Why is everyone getting pregnant and I haven’t.

I know I’m not completely irrational about my feelings because someone else I know is having fertility problems and she struggles when other women announce their pregnancies. I feel jealous of her. She’s got everything in place. House, decent job, loving fiancee. I haven’t even got a quarter of that. She’d probably laugh at me if I told her I was jealous of her!

I know I’m doing that ridiculous ‘comparing myself to others’ that we as a society seem to do constantly,but I can’t help it.

Can people just stop procreating for a while please 😦

Anyone else have pregnancy envy?

Football, sport and the nation

Jesus Christ, our society is fucked!

It’s lovely to wake up to a white wash of people moaning, complaining and giving the England football team a right good bashing. What’s wrong with people!

Why doesn’t anyone ever remember that this is what England do at every tournament.. I don’t get why people are surprised. What annoys me is how we always put them on a pedestal and expect them to play like Real Madrid and then vilify them when they lose.. I don’t even know why! Having good players doesn’t make them a good team. I know they didn’t play well, but I feel for them. Must be hard to have to go through this every time they play a tournament! We love you when you win and hate you and slate you when we lose. Lovely bit of support and encouragement there, great pack mentality!

Why is it that there is an expectancy for Iceland to be shit because it’s a small country, and England to be great because we’re oh so big?! Where’s the logic in that?

Why are we always looking for blame? We seem to love negativity and hatred here. The EU referendum has highlighted that a treat. Let’s concentrate on the positives for once.
Our football team haven’t done great things, but our rugby team have done some amazing things in Australia, and won the whole series, especially when everyone doubted them. Where’s their congratulations??🏉

The Backup Plan

I made a backup plan with an old best friend of mine. You know the sort, you’re about 22 years old and realise life has the potential to go tits up for you. You and your best pal of the opposite sex make a plan to get married and have babies just in case you get to 40 and realise everything is fucked!

For the most part, I didn’t think I’d ever have a reason to use mine or call it in. I left it by the wayside and forgot it had ever been considered. That, was until I realised my option had gone. My backup plan is definitely gay and also married.  The fact that we’ve just started talking again after a 4 year fall out has absolutely nothing to do with it!! I know him being gay is more a plus point and likely the easier option, but I’m sure he doesn’t want to rent my womb!

A few friends have offered along the way, mostly in jest of course. But low and behold, they’ve got their shit together and have since Wed. 

I feel like I need to go on some sort of collecting spree and get details of chronically single men in the south Wales area. No idea why they need to be chronically single, I’m selling myself short here! I’m a great catch, only part psychotic.

Perhaps I should stick an advert on Gumtree!

Did you or do you still  have a backup plan?

 

 

Guess who’s back!

A year or two ago, I mentioned I was crazy in love with a boy I met on the internet. Well, at lot changed after I wrote my confession.

After a massive argument with him, I told him I didn’t want to be friends with him anymore. I only wanted a relationship and if I wasn’t going to get that, I didn’t see the point. He wanted us to be friends but always cancelled plans we’d made, so I’d had enough. This happened on 31st December 2014, and I promised myself I wouldn’t speak to him again. I started dating my ex and we played the happy couple for 6 months.

At some point early in December 2015, I was helping my friend move house. I saw a guy who looked the spitting image of him! I convinced myself it was him, bad as it is, looking as awful as he looked, I was glad. Some part of me wanted him to be unhappy without me. I had thought about him over the months, but it was just general wondering how he was and if he was with someone all happy and loved up. So, to see him looking unhappy, knowing my previous relationship had broken down, made me feel better.

I got home with it still playing on my mind and I randomly checked my emails and there it was…. An email from him, asking if we could maybe be friends. Honestly, I was over the moon to see that email. I assumed he’d seen me with my friend and asked if that was what prompted the email, but he said it wasn’t him… At least I know he’s got a hot doppelganger eh!
We exchanged a few emails and I told him I was happy to try and give the friendship thing a go. He used to be my best friend and I really missed the way we used to talk, so I was keen to see if we could get it back. It felt nice to know that after a year, he was still thinking of me.
We swapped numbers and have talked on WhatsApp most days since.

We did arrange to meet up for food, but he cancelled on me (It was Wales’ first match of the 6 Nations). I did take it to heart at first and told him not to talk to me for a bit. After a week, he apologised when I explained why I was upset. Considering that would never have happened 2 years ago without us slagging the hell out of each other, I’m calling this progress!!

It’s only been a few months of talking but we’re getting on well.
I still fancy him something rotten and I’ve told him in a round about way. I don’t know where this is going to go. I don’t know if I’m still in love with him.. I’d have to see him and touch him to tell. I don’t know if we’re only ever destined to be friends, but right now I’m just happy he’s back in my life.

I’ve missed him and he’s clearly missed me too! 😁

My beauty basics

I always see loads of posts on here and instagram of ladies blogging about gorgeous new products they’ve used on their skin and how their skin looks amazing. Fair play it does. I get slightly jealous… I love trying and testing new lotions and potions, but my skin is complicated.
I have major combination skin. Part dry, part oily, part haven for spots every now and again and then major sensitivity.

I used to use all manner of beauty products to try and combat it all, but being sensitive skinned, this is quite hard. One method never fit all and finding a moisturiser for the dry parts was actually virtually impossible.
Simple products were my go to for general cleansing and St Ives facial scrubs used to be a magical exfoliating haven.

I used to swear by Palmers cocoa butter! I grew up using it and my whole family did too. My friend at school once told me I smelt of chocolate as I used it that much. After practically 20 years of non stop use, it sadly gave up the ghost.
My skin became flaky and dry, so I knew I needed something new.

I’d been trying to grow my hair and was using coconut oil for moisture.  I started using it on my whole body and since then, I haven’t stopped. In the middle of 2014, I decided that adopting the same practice on my body was a good way to go with my face.

I started using coconut oil and didn’t really notice that much difference. It was only when I went for my 6weekly eyebrow threading a few months later, that my beautician said my skin was glowing.
Not long after that, I noticed I had less spots than I used to. I’d always have a huge break just before my period but that had practically disappeared and I was just getting one or two in the odd place.
Pre 2014 I’d NEVER have left the house without make up! Personally, I’m not a massive wearer anyway, but id never have turned up to work or popped to the shop without concealer, corrector and a general foundation. People would have asked if I was ill, or dying!!

Having discovered the benefits of coconut oil, I swear by natural products for moisturisation. I’ve upgraded from coconut oil though. I now use Rosemary oil on my face, Coconut oil on my body and Shea Butter on my feet. If my skin looks a little flaky or dry, I’ll mix coarse sea salt and sugar with water or biore and it works as a natural exfoliant.

My body loves me! My skin is lovely and people always compliment how clear it looks.
Sometimes natural is best. I do miss trying out the latest products and seeing how they work with my skin. But, knowing that I can spend less than £10 a month on oils and only wear make-up when I need to, is good enough for me! 🙂 For me, Basic is better!

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