Tag Archives: dating

Too Soon

I’ve been brought up to believe relationships shouldn’t be rushed. You should always take your time..move slowly. Get to know one another properly before launching yourself into serious life changing decisions and events.

I’ve always passed judgement on others doing things quickly in relationships; moving in, getting pregnant, getting engaged and married after what seems like two minutes. “It’ll never work”has always been my mantra with these situations.  

Everything needs at least a year. I know some situations can’t be helped, but it’s always best to wait – isn’t it?

So I went out, out

With it being the festive season and all that, we had arranged our work Christmas Dooo for black Friday. I was really quite excited about it. I hadn’t been out in a while and it would be the first night out I’ve have since splitting up with JJ.
I’d felt a bit down but not lacking confidence, I just needed to ‘blow the cobwebs away’… Mentally, not physically!

I did very little at work, but went to Bobbi Brown to get a complimentary makeover. The girl that does my make-up works wonders! She did it in an hour and I left feeling AMAZING. When I got back to work, all the girls were complimenting me. It was lovely.
One of the girls said I should go downstairs and show JJ what he was missing and part of me did want to. The other part of me thought that he probably wouldn’t care how great I looked, so I didn’t.

After we all got dressed, we went for food at Jamie’s Italian and the team manager bought a few bottles of processco for the tables. I happily guzzled a few glasses and felt quite tipsy. We moved onto a quieter bar after and played a quiz, whilst still drinking. After a few hours there, with everyone suitably sloshed, we went to a club and some more members of the party left.

The club was great.. Very strange feeling knowing it’s only 6pm, you’re a long way from sober and the club is pretty much empty. We took advantage of the emptiness, danced around and picked a booth in prime location.

I don’t remember people coming in, I just remember there being more people all of a sudden.
Two lads called me over and we were chatting. We talked about my lack of Christmas jumper and other stuff. I fancied his mate more than him, so I made my excuses and went back to my friends. Another group of guys got my attention, so I spoke to one of them for a while and had a dance. Conversation was odd.. He’s from the Welsh valley’s and that’s like a completely different language to me. I could barely understand him. I remember his name was Leyton cause I thought it was lush. He took my number and gave me a kiss and we carried on with the rest of the night.

I got the attention of another guy. He was really tall and had that mysterious hard man look about him. I never usually go for that, but for some reason, I kept making eye contact and dancing sexily until he came over to me. This is something I’d never do in a million years, there must have been something in the wine! Ha.
I danced with him for a bit, before my friend introduced me to a friend of hers. He was cute, but there wasn’t any animal attraction. We talked about travel, food and other stuff and found we had a fair bit in common. He said his goodbyes, we hugged and then he left.

At some point, I managed to get the attention of another guy who I fancied like crazy. I call it the ‘stop eating hot’ level of gorgeousness. If a guy can make me stop eating, he’s too beautiful for words. We danced like mad people and he actually kissed me at one point. I didn’t react well to it because I was shocked. He wanted to come home with me. “I don’t have to be up until 8am” he said. As beautiful as he was, I wasn’t going to take him home. My one night stand days are more than over and done with.
Still, his offer was far nicer than the “Do you live on your own?” chat up line I’d got earlier.
Unfortunately for these Valley boys, their reputation proceeds them.

We carried on dancing until 12:30,  when I decided to call it a night. I was more drunk than horny. I picked up the obligatory chips on the way and jumped in a taxi.
When I woke the next day, I smiled at the previous nights antics. That was just what I needed. I gave my number to three guys that night and it would’ve been nice, but I wasn’t that bothered if any of them got in touch or not.  I always feel a bit shitty post break up, regardless if I was the dumper or the dumpee. That night was just the reminder I needed that men still think I’m good looking and there are still some mighty fine specimens out there!

Should I be sad?

Now all the anger has subsided from JJ cutting short our dating adventure together,  all I’m left with is hurt. Im hurt, but im questioning whether I have the right to be.

The whole thing from first kiss, to the state of shock he left me in on Thursday, lasted 2 months. I almost feel like im not allowed to feel this way as it was a short adventure and i spent 4 weeks of it not physically seeing him everyday. We work together, so part of the fun, thrills and excitement was in the secret glances, touches and smiles we did in the office without our colleagues noticing.
The 4 weeks we spent dating were so much fun…sneaking off for kisses, going out for food and drinks. Spending nights cuddled up, watching films, making jokes and laughing.

I think im hurt more because it was such a shock. Literally over a period of 24 hours, he decided he didn’t want to date me anymore as he wasn’t ready to be serious. Wednesday morning we were planning our romantic meal, Thursday morning he decided otherwise.

Is there a certain time frame in which one should mourn a break up? Is there a ratio? Number of weeks, months years spent together/x time?

All I know is that I feel sad, this Valentines weekend has sucked and I miss him.

I’m angry at myself

I’m angry at myself for not following my rules.

I’m angry at myself for letting someone get to know me.

I’m angry at myself for sleeping with him.

I’m angry at myself for the way he made me feel.

I’m angry at myself because I let him in.

I’m angry at myself for making future plans.

I’m angry at myself because I liked him.

I’m angry at myself because he saw me naked.

I’m angry at myself because I missed him when he was gone.

I’m angry at myself because now I feel like I wasn’t enough.

I’m angry at myself because I feel used.

Tonight he told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship. I’m angry at HIM.

The dating game

I don’t know if anyone else does this, or if it’s just me.

If you’ve not had sex in a while and you start dating again, things tend to get a little hot and heavy and you’ve gotta stave things off for a while. Well, I do anyway. It makes me feel a lot better about myself and my general standards if I haven’t slept with a new guy after a handful of dates or the first month (depending upon frequency of dates).

I tend to employ the following tactics to ensure such things don’t happen sooner than necessary:

Not shaving.
I know most men don’t give a stuff, but I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with a guy for the first time if I’m not hair free and smooth.
When you don’t date much, or aren’t a frequenter of one night stands, and especially in the winter, you tend to let the personal grooming slip a little! I’m not saying I completely neglect it, but if I’m the only one that’s seeing me naked on a daily basis for quite some time, I don’t see much need to keep it up! Silky smooth legs, a Hollywood, Brazilian, or a Vajazzle isn’t necessary for double clicking the mouse!!
So no shave = no sex.

Not tidying up.
I live in a shared house, so I literally live in my room. My whole life is pretty much in my room. I can be fairly messy sometimes, with clothes, underwear and cosmetics strewn about the place. However, I don’t want to bring a guy back to mess. I don’t want them seeing how I live haha. Like that episode of friends where Ross dated that really messy girl! That situation is my worst nightmare… Well, one of them! So, by keeping my room messy = no sex.

Big girl pants/matching underwear.
I always want my first time with someone new to be amazing and sexy. For me, underwear plays a big part in that. I’m not much of a matching underwear daily kind of girl. I have similar colours on, but I wouldn’t make the effort to match just for a normal day. When you’re undressing each other, there needs to be pretty underwear waiting to be revealed. I’ve noticed that some men notice and appreciate this. Also, like that scene from Bridget Jones Diary, apple catchers are a huggge passion killer (unless you’re sleeping with Hugh Grant!) Big pants and non matching undies = no sex.

Neutral territory.
I’m not going to have sex in a restaurant, at the cinema, in the bowling alley, ice skating rink or in the park (not without getting arrested). No going to each others houses for the first few dates. This will always lead to everything up to and including sex. Well, it will for me. So neutral territory = no sex.

So those are my 4 rules. 90% of the time, they work very well for me. I know everyone is different and it’s down to the individual when they choose to sleep with a new partner, be it the 1st or 50th date. Just be sure it’s what you want even in the heat of the moment!!

Single, single and 30

Single at any age is never fun, being female, single and 30 is a whole new level of ass sucking! I’ve been single for about 2 years now. I didn’t expect to be single for so long. I guess I just assumed like any other girl out there that things would sort themselves out in my mid 20’s…. Alas due to me being a late bloomer in life things havent quite got there. I went to uni late, so when my other friends were in long term relationships, I was enjoying my freedom at uni and discovering that I wasnt as horrendous looking as I felt!

 

Turning 30, eight months ago was quite a shock for me. Not just because of the age, but in terms of achievement.  I try not to compare myself to others, or society, but i felt behind. I have no children, I don’t own my own house, ive never cooked a roast dinner, my phone bill is my only real responsibility and I’ve never lived with a guy!! I didn’t even have a good job at the time. Most of the anguish probably came from how unsettled I felt.  Is it any wonder I spent the approaching week in tears!

 

I guess my lack of successful relationships (long term) impacts on how I view things. Ive had 3 fairly serious relationships. Well, 3 that I can define as having felt very strong feelings of love. The first at upper school, aged 15/16, which lasted for 7 months. The second after i left school aged 17, lasted for 3 years and the 3rd, my last one when i was 26/27.  It was about 1 year of actually being together,  and another year on and off because it was long distance and very complicated. Everything else in between has been a combination of flings and dating… Nothing at all to get excited about.

 

I have a type too, which I guess doesn’t help things.  Looks wise its specific….tall, dark features, slim and a light skin tone. Of course I’ve dated others out of that range, but there hasn’t been that spark for me and probably the reason its not worked out. Personality wise, I like humour, someone who’s fairly adventurous and up for new things, intelligence, kindness and ambition.  My ex was mostly perfect,  we just couldn’t get over the distance.

 

Perhaps this is why im still single,  because my ‘ideal’ man is too specific.  Ive read a lot lately that its not all about looks, because they fade. Its all about whats inside that counts. Surely when it comes to finding someone you’re spending the rest of your life with,  they should be everything you want? We spend time looking for the perfect things, outfit, holiday, house and jobs that are right for us. Why not extend the same attitude to the right partner?