Tag Archives: Failure

The girl did good!

I figured I should do a follow up to my post Capabilities and Perceptions and say how I got on.

I submitted the application after tweaking it a bit from last time and sat back and waited all nervous and whatnot.

I got a rather excited email from my bestie at work to say “YOU’VE GOT A LETTER”…. Oooh, queue the nervous, heart beating out of my chest situation. Ripping open the letter revealed I was invited to interview. YES! The excitement and happiness was rapidly replaced by extreme worry and that sick feeling of actually having to attend the interview!!

I decided to ask some colleagues for help and make a shed load of notes, I was determined not to fail. I thought of examples, remembering what questions I was asked previously, as they’re bound to be similar. I remembered exactly 2!! Great help. With the help of others, I managed to think of examples for another question.

The day of the interview came round and I was particularly stressed, nervous, hadn’t slept for over a week. Questions were fogging my head as I tried to remember what I needed to say. The panel were at least 20minutes behind, this did nothing for my state of mind!
I walked in, sat down, listened and drank plenty of water. Nothing worse than the dry mouth sensation, with sticky words attempting to form some conhererent sentence. Think brain, think. Don’t fail me now, please.
4 questions I answered so well, too well, two questions I got stuck.. 1 with promoting and added a few extras, I got in the end. The other, my mind flagged, the words forgotten, I ended doubting what I’d said. 5/6 pretty bloody awesome considering I’ve got previous for being shit!
I walked out, head held high. Surely I have it?
That night, the analysis starts… Go through everything I said… Just that one question, everything else is was great. Relax girl, feel proud, stop stressing. Just waiting… Upto 6 weeks they said.

5 days later, I’m doing my nut. That question, argh, I know the words, I know the values I needed to say, why brain why?! I can’t do this for another 5 weeks, I’ll go insane.
My manager says, Thursday, you’ll know. Really, so soon. Thank god.
Thursday comes.. People are hearing. I’ve heard nothing 😦 No news is good news. I went home early, I couldn’t cope, I felt sick.

Friday morning, I couldn’t sleep, so I went through my emails. I found one in the junk folder, titled PSO recruitment. First thought, “Oh Fuck, they’ve emailed me, I haven’t got it”. I opened the email. My suspicions were confirmed. I read more.. “However the recruitment panel were very impressed by you at interview and asked that we keep your application live. This means that should a further position become available in the near future, we will contact you with an offer of a position.”

Gutted as I was that I wasn’t quite good enough, for the first time in forever, I have gone for a job with a decent salary and impressed people that much. Not enough that I could be offered a position, but enough to be offered the job should someone else drop out. That’s good enough for me. It shows I am more than capable, and other people have some confidence in my ability to do that job.

I’m hoping and praying someone drops out. Until then, I feel safe in the knowledge that I did well. I’m feeling more confident and I’m oh so bloody proud of myself! I finally did an interview without looking like a clueless jumbled up knobber. The girl done good 👍


Interviews, Am I thick?

I had an interview at work recently, for a position that honestly I didn’t want, but felt compelled to apply for.
The reason I felt compelled was due to it being something others have said I’d be good at… I had no real desire to actually do the job, as it’s a step up from the boring ass stuff I do already, just more boring stuff on a higher level.

Anyway, I did an application in two hours, put it in and was successful.

Now, my issue.. I’m no good at interviews! I already know this. I seldom get the jobs I’d like because I suck at them. After God knows how many years of putting myself through this, I still struggle. I’d never go for a high paid job just because I know id not get it. I know that’s a bad thing to say, but at 31 years of age, you just start to accept such things.
To help myself, usually, I don’t tell anyone. It’s extra pressure on myself if others know and then I have to tell them I was rubbish. Not a great feeling.

During this interview, it wasn’t as such that I got flustered, it was the questions posed. My mind couldn’t break down what it was they were trying to ask me to say. I don’t mind a three tier question, but the use of big, exhausting words is helping no one! I really struggled to understand what they meant. Having to ask someone to repeat a question too many times is horrid.
I was called back to inform that I’d been unsuccessful, which of course was no great surprise. But, she said “I strongly advise you to get feedback”. I know i need feedback, but when you hear time and time again, that “you need to answer the question with an example of when you did this or that”… When the issue is that the question is too complex for you to even understand, how can you even give an example?

Can I put in a request for ‘dumbed down’ wording…Of course not, that’s ridiculous!

I’m starting to wonder now if I actually have some sort of learning/social difficulty? Am I a bit thick? Can I get help with whatever this problem is? I really don’t know, but it’s starting to bother me and it’s ruining my chances of ever being successful 😦