Wanting to L♡ve the skin you’re in.

I have trouble doing just that. Loving my skin. The truth is, my skin pains me as I suffer from two fairly harsh skin/body disfunctions.

Hyperhidrosis and severe acne. In other words im a sweaty, spotty mess. Attractive huh?!

I think they both started around the same time, as I don’t remember a defining moment for either of them. Just a stark realisation that they were there. 

I specifically remember being very sweaty in upper school when I was about 14…. I started my periods during middle school, so it wasnt really a hormonal thing. Or perhaps it was and I just didn’t realise. I remember a picture when I was about 17, and with my bf, there was visible acne scarring on my chest, so it was clearly going on around the age of 15/16 to justify having scarring.  I also remember being at school and noticing that my shirt under the arms was pretty much soaked through… I was a smelly teen. For a girl to say that, you know its true! I recall keeping my blazer on in order to not draw attention to myself, but that just built up the mass of uncomfortableness and made the smell worse. I wonder if there was a time when it got better, as I had a fair few friends and they never said anything….perhaps they were just those sort of friends… 😦 It’s hard to tell people they smell, especially if its your friend. I didn’t need telling, I could smell me! I had a boyfriend at school, albeit he wasn’t a gorgeous one, but either he didn’t mind my smelliness or I just didnt give off a horrific odour everyday.

Over the years ive managed to manage my hyperhidrosis. The amount of deodorants I went through trying to find something to help. Watching adverts on tv and thinking, yes, this will solve all problems. Id buy them, and then realise they were just for normal people. The clothes id have to wear to try and mask the signs of wet underarms… can you imagine what its like to sit in a room thats neither hot nor cold, yet you’re sweating. Thats what this does to you! Ive experimented with materials, fit, colour…all of it. I know what I can and cant wear. I have to layer up! Im like a 70 year old woman who has to wear vests under a normal top. 

It’s also got worse. I dont know when, but i went from underarm sweating, to whole body sweating. Now that is a pain in the ass. Back, chest, bum, tummy, thighs. You name it, it gets wet. Most of this I must admit, is predominantly during summer months or when im really nervous/anxious like, my body goes ‘fuck this’ and all the water barriers fall down and im a pool of wetness. Its like breaking a dam! My aluminium deodorant has been a god send. And thank heavens for pocket deodorant…im never without these beauties. Thank you Odaban & Dove!

 

Im not certain if I find the acne more of a hassle or not. It gets me down sometimes, but I think as its not visible depending on what I wear, its less of an issue. Its always been concentrated on my chest. As a woman, I can tell you, thats no good place to have it! Ive grown myself a half decent pair of boobs and tthey’re mostly covered up cos theyre covered in scars and horrid sore boils/spots. These are worse at times of the month…before a period my chest could be a dot to dot! I saw a physio once about issues with my back and he asked if my spots were there due to my back pain…. Errr, no! How embarrassing, for me and him. Another male friend commented that it looked like id had cigarettes put out on my chest…due to the scarring left there. Ive never covered up so quick. My face has started to resemble my chest too. Not so many spots, but every single little pimple I get results in hyperpigmentation – regardless of if I pick or not 😦 Serious bad luck!

Men ive been with have never had an issue with it. I suppose when a girl has her boobs out and youre about to get fruity, scars and spots here and there don’t really mean anything. I guess its not completely repulsive to look at for everyone except me. My ex used to say they were part of me, what makes me unique and didn’t bother him. He was brutally honest 100% of the time, so he wasn’t just trying to make me feel better. 

I sometimes find myself looking at girls and their clear chests and wishing… wishing mine was clear and the skin wasnt raised, bumpy, scarred and unsightly. Just perfectly clear, and I could show it off. Perhaps ive become so accustomed to having it there, if I ever did get rid of them, id still cover up anyway. Doctors trips have been useless. Prescriptions are good, until your body is used to it, then you revert back. There is no cure for acne, you just manage it. 

 

Looking at people walking around the streets and seeing them walk carefree and without a sweat patch in sight. Or finding myself feeling very jealous of my friend who tells me she doesn’t sweat!!! 

 

When it comes to sweating, from what ive read, other than removing my sweat glands, nothing can be done. Even that operation isnt guaranteed. I’ll just manage with my aluminium deodorant that makes life that little bit easier and less smelly.

I’ve coped with all this nonsense for 15 years now and ive not done too badly…. I shall continue to cope. I dont love the skin im  in, but its my skin, and I wont be getting any more ♡

 

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