Since I became sober to lessen the effects of this pmdd malarkey, life has changed somewhat.
I don’t go out any more, not that I’ve been a party animal for the last few months anyway, but socially everything has really dwindled quite rapidly. I genuinely thought I was OK living the sober and unsociable life, but in reality I don’t think I am.
I went away for the weekend with some old work friends and it wasn’t really what I wanted it to be. I didn’t relax and I also didn’t go out out, which was the plan for Saturday night. I didn’t want to be surrounded by drunk, irritating people when I couldn’t be the same drunk, irritating person. The whole situation made me feel quite down. I could’ve had an alcoholic drink if I wanted to but I felt I’d be letting myself down and also opening myself up for a downward spiral on my mood the following week. Plus it was the bfs birthday and I didn’t want to give myself any opportunity to act like a miserable cunt.
I didn’t tell my friends why I wasn’t drinking, other than saying it makes me really depressed. They all assumed I was pregnant 😂.
During a trip to the spa I was telling one friend that my social situation has really changed and dwindled since I stopped drinking. Also, stopping bookclub about a year ago hasn’t helped. I think if I told the bookclub girls why I stopped (the pmdd that I didn’t realise was pmdd), they would’ve helped. I don’t think I wanted to admit I couldn’t cope with running it and couldn’t deal with the rejection of people leaving /not joining. Anyway, this thinking all culminated in me realising that I need to find other sober people to hang around with. Sober people with pmdd preferably, but sober people nonetheless. Now I’m more aware of my pmdd and when I’m having better days, I can’t see why I wouldn’t be able to maintain a friendship. Just because my hormones and mental health turn me doolally from time to time doesn’t mean I should be destined to live a solitary friendless life… I deserve friendship 🙂